Sometimes when you go to bed at night and you really miss someone you can no longer see, you pray and hope that they will come into your dream tonight. When you do wake up from a dream about them, all of a sudden you realize you’re back to reality, where you don’t get to see them anymore, and tears stream down your face.

In my “superstitious” Chinese culture, if you see in your dream someone who has passed away, it means they are trying to tell you about something. Sometimes they may do fortune-telling in your dreams, while other times they may just want to let you know they are doing well in another world.

Many people have seen their lost pets in their dreams, and others have even seen them in daylight. My mentor LG once shared a heartbreaking experience after he had lost his dog Nunu to an incurable illness. After Nunu passed away, LG kept seeing her, or her spirit, around. Nunu seemed to be following him everywhere he went. While some pet parents might feel comforted to see their lost pets again, these unexpected visits had made LG’s already painful grieving process even more challenging. Instead of saying goodbye or having a closure, Nunu was lingering. Again in our culture, spirits linger because they have unfinished business, or they are emotionally too attached to their past relationships to move on.

One night, while on a business trip, LG saw Nunu walking towards him under the dim yellow light of the hotel room. Nunu looked him in the eyes; LG started crying. On an impulse, LG grabbed the utility knife on top of the nightstand and slashed his palm with it, perhaps to snap himself back into reality, or perhaps to visualize his pain. Blood was dripping on the old hotel carpet, and Nunu was standing still. LG finally started to speak to Nunu in tears, begging her to leave. He explained to Nunu that these visits had made him suffer. Nunu seemed to be listening. She paused for a second, turned around quietly, and left the hotel room. That was her last visit.

Ever since my cat passed away almost three years ago, I have never dreamed of him or seen him in any other way. Not even once. Sometimes I wonder if that means my cat doesn’t miss me at all, or I don’t love my cat enough. I would feel disappointed and guilty at the same time. But then I think of LG's story. Perhaps not seeing my cat again, in my dreams or in daylight, can also mean that we have had a solid closure, that we will continue to live the best our lives in two different worlds, and that he will continue to be in my thoughts and in my heart.