In one of the previous blog posts, I mentioned that I have never dreamed of my lost cat, however, I do have another recurring dream that has to do with cat loss in the past year or so, one that would wake me up with sadness and anxiety. 

I again had this dream last night, in which I was casually walking in my childhood house. I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to feed my cats. This realization was then followed immediately by a second realization that I hadn’t seen my cats for several days. My heart started to beat faster, my breaths became shorter. I soon got swallowed by the fear that my cats had been starving, or possibly had starved to death. After frantically filling their bowls with food and water, I carefully looked for signs and traces of my cats, but they were nowhere to be found. As I approached the cabinet below the kitchen sink, I began to have this feeling that if I opened this cabinet, I would find one of my cats’ bodies inside. I then wake up panting, my heart pounding in my chest.

As I tried to analyze this dream a little bit, it seems to reflect my feeling of inadequacy as a pet parent. I somehow feel like I didn’t carry out my responsibilities as a cat owner properly, and that if I were to adopt a new pet again, I wouldn’t be able to take good care of them. This feeling probably explains why I do not have any plans soon to adopt another pet, even though my cat has been gone for almost three years.

I have to shamefully admit that I had bought my cat from a not-so-legitimate pet shop. Young and ignorant, I hadn’t heard about the idea of “adopt, don’t shop.”  The shop's irresponsible way of breeding had left my cat with an inherited disease that eventually ended his life way too early. At that time, my financial situation and living condition weren't completely ideal for having a pet either. Had I known what I know now, I probably would not have brought my cat home. However, even things went wrong in that many directions, I do not at all regret having brought my cat home, and I always feel extremely grateful for the time we shared together. My cat brought me so much joy and has taught me so many lessons about life. Even though it sometimes aches to think about all the memories, I treasure dearly every single piece of them.